Issue Zero: Betaland

Everythings in betaland for now. Well get better. We promise.
My love/hate relationship started at the end of 2002 with the first functional PDAs that hit the market, namely the iPaq h1910 by HP. I loved how thin it was, its extra large screen, and how it synced everything with Microsoft Outlook. The screens brightness was astounding! There wasnt a PDA on the market that had a brighter screen than the 1910. I was the envy of everyone. All the women wanted to be with me and all the men wanted to BE me. All because of a little shiny pocket computer. You see, I used to write everything I did on classic pen and paper and the 1910 freed me of that analog system. Now I could just press a button and record my notes and tasks quickly and easily. I used to sit in the subway and talk into my PDA and since it was NY, no one thought I was crazy. I felt free. Like all early adaptors, however, I got shafted. Shortly after its release, HP, being the douches they are, released a better model, the h1915. It sported more memory, longer battery life, and Bluetooth (although I have no idea what youd use it for since it wasnt a cell phone). I learned a very important lesson that day. Whatever tech you buy, it will be obsolete the second you walk out the store with it. Fast forward to 2009. PDAs and cell phones are integrated to a degree where you cant buy them separately. By now, I have used many different types of Windows Mobile devices, favoring HTCs offerings. It started with the s200, then on to the HTC Touch. Next came the Touch Cruise, and I loved them all. But something happened I stopped using them except to make phone calls and find my way occasionally using various GPS software. I didnt realize this, however, so I kept on spending money on a pocket computer that I had no use for. That is, until I got my iPhone. I resisted the urge at first. You see, I hate Apple. Well, let me rephrase that. I hate Apple owners. I hate how they snobbishly look down upon non-apple users from their high horse and spout idiotic condescension toward all PC users. God knows I wanted to violently maim that Mac guy from those idiotic commercials about how the PC is shit and the Mac is The Shit. I didnt want to become one of those people. But the iPhone piqued my interest, so I caved and I discovered something. I started using PDAs again for more than just making phone calls. Windows Mobile devices are great but they suck when it comes to one thing ease of use. Every time I needed to do something on a Windows Mobile, I needed to pull out the stylus. Be it to write a quick message, to record a
task or even to edit a phone number, it became cumbersome and so I gave up. If I couldnt do it with my fingers, I didnt do it and for some reason, it didnt bother me that much. The iPhone changed all that. It was like a fog had been lifted, the sky opened and the light of Jobs illuminated my being. I fell in love with the damned thing from the moment I got it. Not because of its shininess or its cool animations, and certainly not because I could drink a virtual Frappe by sucking on the microphone. I love it because there is no stylus. I admit I was confused at first and couldnt figure out how I was going to use it without one, but the bastards at Cupertino did it. Everything was just easier. The genius that invented the multi-touch screen should be pat on the back, and given a fresh batch of stripers every night to have his way with. A short flick and a few taps, and I got an SMS out. Plug in headphones and I have my music easily accessible. Connect to the App Store, and I can do everything from tweeting, to chatting on Facebook, to updating my blog, to finding an open pharmacy. Of course, the minute I got it, Apple released the 3Gs (again rendering my device obsolete damn bastards!), with more memory, a faster processor, and a crap load of other features. Its far from perfect and I do have my gripes, *cough* iTunes *cough*, but Mr. Jobs did for PDAs what George Romero didnt for games. He made me his slut. And now, turn your virtual page to see how -I- use my iPhone, what apps -I- have in it, why -I- love it. You may agree or disagree, but, really, you know what they say about opinions, right? Well Heres mine

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Phoat Trix

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Phoat, Ody

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Ody, El Karaba

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PushUpFu GymFu

Wii managed to sell itself as the first (and only, till then) console where you actually move to play. Movement led to exercise, exercise led to Wii Sports, Wii Sports led to Wii Fit and the Wii Balance Board, Wii Balance Board led to Well Nothing really. But exercising with the aid of electronic gizmos took a whole different meaning and thus lots and lots of developers presented their own versions of we move our ass holding a strange gadget. GymFu is one of the latest that couldnt resist the urge to move their hips, and so, they unleashed to the world their own vision of how to exercise on that other trendy gadget that sells even more than Wii: the iPhone. Ooo-kay, but what can it offer, and what sets it apart from Well From apps where you kill baby seals on iPhones screen witch, apart from the bloody mess, are a bit more fun? Ah, young grasshopper, Im glad that you asked: the fact that it works exceptionally well as a game. Yeah, really! First of all, lets clear up that GymFu aint just one, but a pack of different apps for the iPhone. They all share a common theme (gymnastics) but theyre split in different roles. Most known among them is PushupFu, witch, err. Well, it doesnt need lots of explaining now, does it? After you find a way to attach your iPhone to the upper part of your arm (duct tape works, but mind the hair), you start doing pushups. Manage to reach 100 and you scored. Now, if only you could score that easily in real life.

CrunchFu

Grab your beloved iPhone and keep it as close to your heart as possible. That means your chest, little Timmy, your chest. Now, put up your best Rocky face, and crunch once, crunch twice, thrice. have you reached 200? Try more, Daniel-San. Showem the best youve got. Or, at least, what remained of it.

OtherFu PhoatFu

I have a love / hate relationship with this suite of apps. Sure it motivates me to exercise and I can easily keep track of my progress, but dammit, I wish the damn thing wasnt so judgemental, screaming HALF everytime I dont do a pushup just right. Screw you, robotic monotone voi hey my biceps look huge! PullupFu and SquatFu complete the Fu package. Do at least 50 pullups in a row to make your friends envious (at least, thats what the developers site, that doesnt quite know you -or us- tells us). Sit down hard (not TOO low) and do some squats. Say, 200 ofem. Can you?

Dunno about Phoat, but I get tired of apps like this, much too soon for my liking. Wii Fit is a lot more fun, and after 10-15 goes at it, I left it with sibling Wii Balance Board in a shadowy corner of my house, in a strange experiment to see how much dust they would gather till now. The answer? A lot.
Get it at: http://www.gymfu.com
Get it at: http://www.facebook.com/apps/applica-

Twitterific

An almighty Twitter client for the Mac makes an appearance on the miniMac, the device mostly known as the iPhone. Twitterific offers the same functions and ease of use of its bigger brethren, is nice on the eyes and does, actually, allow you to tweet from anywhere, at anytime. That, combined with the ease of use of the iPhone, means more tweets about anything, leading to more meaningless content (hey, I pulled the toast from the toaster, almost done!) and heftier bandwidth charges. How nice.

tion.php?id=6628568379

Book of blood
As if Facebook wasnt already big enough, they went ahead and invaded my iPhone. Oh, Holy Phone, why hast thou been possessed by the Devil? Before the interwebs, there was no way for me to know that Lee had her first class this evening, or that Vasia watched a Matthew Fisher video. And dont get me started on how Michele is 100% naughty. The Devil is in my pants, indeed
I was never that much into social networking and, from what I know, neither was Phoat. I mean, whats the point in telling the world how unlucky and miserable we are? By some strange twist of fate, though, Phoat bought an iPhone. Now Im not only unlucky and miserable. Im alone, as well.

Facebook

What more could you ask? If Twitter graces our iWonders screen, so should the other great time waster of teh Interwebs, Facebook. It helps you connect, they say. Yeah, right. Quite a bit simpler than the full-blown site (well, it -is- actually a mini version of it), the Facebook app offers limited functionality that, still, manages to keep you glued to your screen. You see, you can update your status. And watch others update their status. And you can. eh. err. Update your status. Rinse, repeat. Again. Again.

TS (TimeSuck)

Probably the biggest time-suck of an app that I have installed on my Jesus-phone. Not only does it allow me to tweet what Im doing and see the tweets of my tweeps (say that three times fast), I can take a picture and upload it directly to TwitPic for the entire world to see. What to show everyone where you are on Google maps? Easy! A quick tap lets you use the phones location services, telling all the paparatsi in the world where you are. It only makes a difference if youre famous though. If you are not no one will care, trust me.

Get it at: http://iconfactory.com/software/twitterrific
Get it at: http://takemetomycar.anresgroup.com/

Phoat strips STRIP

How in teh world do all these money institutions, websites, government agencies, and my Pokemon club membership expect me to remember thousands of strings of numbers, just to gain access to their services? Having a small mental capacity doesnt help, but STRIP does. All I need to do is unload my mind in a purely GTD fashion and I never need to remember another password again. Well, except the password to access STRIP, which I just forgot DOH! Nah, nothing rawnchy and SFW, STRIP is a useful app that migrated to the iPhone after gaining lots of popularity on the elder and-almost-dead Palm OS. Its an acronym, coming from Secure Tool for Recalling Important Passwords, doing exactly what its name says. Nice, aint it? Although not much to look at, it gets the job done with no fuss, making you wonder why hasnt Apple or even Microsoft (on its own WM platform) implement such a simple app concept that would, since first power on, do something more: Sync automagically.

Take me to my car

So, youre wasted once more. We knew youd never learn. Main problem now is, as a famous Greek anecdote says, that youre totally unable to walk to your home. Hey, no prob: you can always drive there. Cant you? Theres this obstacle, though, that cannot remember not only your name, but also, where the heck you left your car. Dont fret, as Take Me To My Car, another ingenious iPhone app races to the rescue. You -did- remember to pull out your wndergadget, tap the screen and let it record the directions to your car before you visited this God forsaken alcohol hell, didnt you? Now, it will take you back. to your car. just. crawl. a bit. to. to.
Storing all your passwords in one single device, in one single program, in one single place, is for wussies. That doesnt mean Ive got perfect memory far from it. I just do what every manly man should do: a) keep my passwords on post-it notes on my desk or b) use the same password everywhere. For Im a man.
If the iPhone existed in 2000, the conversation in the movie Dude, Wheres My Car would have gone something like this Jesse: Dude, wheres my car? Chester: Wheres your car dude? Jesse: Dude! Lemme check my iPhone! Ah, now, thats a totally useless app for me.Ive got a driving license. Ive got two cars. Ive got the perfect solution to always know exactly where they are: exactly where they where the night before, gathering dust. You see, Im scared shitless of driving, thinking I may drive over some innocent pedestrian. Again. And again. And again. And hell sue me. And Ill rot in jail. So, this app sucks.

Get it at: http://www.zetetic.net/products/strip
Get it at: http://igomyway.com/en/

iGo. uGo.

An along with my other failings (bad memory, awful hearing, flawed eyesight, small penis), I have a tendency to get lost very lost. I once drove for 9 hours trying to get out of my garage. If it wasnt for iGO I dont think Id be able to find my way anywhere. Big plus, the super sexy voice that tells me when to turn left left, go straight, and turn right two streets down. She has navigated straight into my heart. I do suspect, however, that she is trying to kill me. Its been once too often that shes told me to turn right into oncoming traffic. I guess thats what happens when you let a woman navigate.

Athens Book

Athens Book works as an almighty, allknowledgeable catalogue of everything Athens, Greece. In its digital pages resides almost everything that might be of interest while youre getting around, be it some place to eat, drink, enjoy some entertainment or ponder on the meaning of life while wondering what the heck are you doing in Athens at this time of the year. You can find almost anything, apart from the meaning of life.

Were booked, sorry

No joke this is the best and most useful app on my Holy Phone: a complete guide to finding things in Athens. I have nothing funny or witty to say about it. Sorry
Up to now, iGo was a well-known creator of GPS navigation devices that also sold their software for use in PDAs and some smartphones. Now, its another lost company that succumbed to the wish of the apple merchant, selling a new, touchy-feely version of its GPS software for use in the berphonen. And although weve got to admit that the app works quite well, its maps for Greece, as weve long known from the aforementioned devices and software, still suck. In the previous pages I happened to mention that I dont drive. As a result, I almost never get out of the house, and mostly live as a miserable hermit. That leads us to the quite logical result, that I dont have much use for apps like this. If it was a pizza delivery catalogue, wed be talking.
Get it at: http://www.athensbook.gr/
Get it at: http://iphone.wordpress.org/

Convertbot

If you want to convert A to B, a calculator is all you need. But what happens when A is the euro and B a moose? Whats your height in dwarves? How faster would you get from point C to point D if you where travelling at the speed of sound? The speed of light? Of darkness? Convertbot aint a simple calculator, as it manages to take into account different kinds of units that are sometimes used together and convert them to something completely different. And although that seems cool, in reality its something that only conversion aficionados if they even existcould possible characterize as trully useful.

Word(press), brotha

Like I have nothing better to do than blog from my Holy Phone. Well, now that I think about it, I actually dont. Now Im depressed. I have no life, no woman, no real job, no money but at least I have my Holy Phone that I can blog from about how depressed I am.

Were converts

So, yeah. I cant do math for the life of me and its all because Ive had some sort of electronic device in my pocket my entire life. Technology has made my life better, but its also made me dumber than a wet box of hair. No worries as long as I have my Holy Phone with Convertbot in my pocket. This all-in-one app can convert everything to everything else, so I dont have to. Whos laughing now, geeks that can convert 32 degrees Fahrenheit to Celsius in your heads?

Wordpress

People are split in two categories: those who need to convert to others currencies and ways of counting numbers and stuff in general, and the opposite, those who count in THEIR way, leaving the others to follow. Im in the first group, but Ill never, ever admit it. The world can go convert itself up its Fahrenheit. Im Greek, man! I have famous ancestors! They did numbers and stuff The almighty blogging platform that took the world by storm and single-handedly destroyed Geocities, spread throughout teh Internets and slayed the magic dragon, comes to the iPhone. Ok, its actually just kind of a frontend that gives access to some- functions of your blog and allows you to post new stuff there, but, really, its better than most full-featured blogging apps. You could tweet, you could Facebook, now, blog as well. Waste your life. We dont care.
Get it at: http://tapbots.com/convertbot/
Ah, well. I guess we could call it a wrap. That was everything iPhone according to Phoat and his use of it - and according to me and my use of. err. his (phone. iPhone). We end this first, beta issue with something completely different from whatever we saw up to now: Windows Mobile. Yeah, thats right, thats what -I- use - and, to be more specific, a Touch Pro by HTC. Am I happy? Nope. Would I prefer an iPhone? Nope. You see, it depends on how you look at things: I chose Windows Mobile simply because I wanted the all-magical combination of phone, PDA, GPS and camera. And I wanted all my data to sync with my PC. I was ready for whatever compromise I had to make to have one and only one device in my pocket. Is it slower than iPhone? Most of the time, yes, but then again, that depends on how you use it: it may take more time to dribble a note on its small and not-so-responsive screen, but I can pop-in and out of my GPS software without having to run it again (and wait for it to load). It takes more time to load the camera software, but I can take better pics than Phoat with his iPhone. I can tweet. I can Facebook. I can blog. I can read ebooks. and I can visit a doctor to test my sight for spending so much time over such a small screen which due to its higher-than-the-iPhone resolution (480x640) displays crystal clear images and tiny, tiny text. But the main reason why I am happier with a Windows Mobile device than Id be with an iPhone lies elsewhere. You see, Im Greek, and as more usually happens, that means that I was born and live in Greece. Now, here, and from what I hear to lots of other parts of the world as well, Mobile Internet costs an arm and a leg. You can browse -some- sites, you can post -some- messages, you can -somewhat- get online from your costly and all-powerful device that youve got in your pocket, but when you get into photo blogging, using Google Maps, generally -really- getting online from your mobile, you may soon have to sell your kids and kidneys to some shadowy dealer from a fourth world country to manage the cost. And although I aint got no kids up to now, I really, really feel quite connected to my kidneys. What does that have to do with iPhone vs. Windows Mobile? Well, check out the very app store by Apple: it works through teh Internets. You connect, you download, you use. Windows Mobile (and Symbian) offers you the choice to install stuff while offline, directly from your PC to your phone. Hacking your device and installing unofficial software is not frowned uppon or, err. lets say hunted so much as if you jailbreak your Phone. Ah, and WM is more geeky, whereas iPhone is more trendy. And trendys something I really never, ever was.