Morning News m Sunday, May 30, 1999

Celebrity flashbacks

Entertainment highlights during the week of May 30-June 5:
60 yean ago: Deanna Durtoin signed a five-year contract with. Universal at an annual salary of $195,000. 40 yean ago: "Juke Box Jury" - started its long run on BBC television. 35 yean ago: The Rolling Stones made their U.S. television debut on "The Les Crane Show." The show was followed by a nine-date. tour that opened in San Bernadino, ; Calif. 30 years ago: The Plastic Ono Band recorded "Give Peace a Chance" at a hotel in Canada. 25 yean ago: Patti Smith recorded her version of "Hey Joe," her first recorded work. 15 yean ago: Sergio Leone's film, "Once Upon a Time in America," starred Robert DeNiro, James Woods, Elizabeth MeGovern, Treat Williams and Tuesday Weld, 10 yean ago: The first International Rock Awards paid tribute to Elvis - Presley and honored Keith Richards of The.Rolling Stones with a Living Legend Award. And Robin Williams starred in "Dead Poets Society." Five yean ago: TV Guide's annual "best and worst" issue cited LaToya Jackson for making "her first smart career move" by not attending "The Jackson Family Honors" in Las Vegas. One year ago: Singer Geri Halliwell, better known asjGinger Spice, quit ' the Spice Girls. * ,

=Celebrity birthdays-

Today: Actor Michael J. Pollard is 60. Country singer Wynonna is 35. Musician Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine is 35. Rapper Cee-Lo of Goodie Mob is 25. were always way out of date, having embers of the graduating Functions of Preparedness, boldly May : Actor-director Clint been written when there were only Class of 1999: grasp the Toothbrush of Tomorrow? Eastwood is 69. Actor Tom about 17 states and scientists When 1 gaze out ubpn I hope so, Class of 1999.1 hope Berenger is 49. Comedian Chris thought the Moon was carried you, so young and proud in your you are ready to take over, because. Elliott is 39. Actor Kyle Secor. across the sky by a big turtle. caps and gowns, . my generation is getting old and ("Homicide: Life on the Street") is Things are much easier for you; the thought that ' tired. And we have good reason to 39. Actress Lea Thompson the Class of 1999, thanks to the goes through my be tired: We won World War II. No, ("Caroline In the City") is 38. Internet All you have to do is typemind, as your com* wait, that was our parents. But my Rapper Kfd Frost is , in the words "population of Rhode ' mencement speakgeneration did watch a lot of gruelJune 1 : Actor Andy Griffith is 73, Spoken 10 yean ago:. Island" into your computer, and er today, is: Where ing movies about World War II. within a few seconds, the number Singer Pat Bcone is 65. Actor did you get those "The legend bit's easy, the living's Then, for a while, we tried to solve appears on your computer screen:1 - caps? The House Morgan Freeman is 62. Musician the problems of society. Eventually hard." Keith Richards of The 467,298. This is not the population of of Dorks? What's. we gave up on that and started l o o t Ron Wood of The Kolling.Stones is Rolling Stones, who received a Rhode Island, of course: This is the the point of getting ing for "'closure." Today we have 52. Singer Graham Russell of Air Living Legend Award at the first number of web sites that have conall this education given,up on "Closure" and would' Supply is 49. Musician Simon International Rock Awards. tain the *ords "population," ; if you don't have settle for a good herbal laxative. Gallup of The Cure is 39. "Rhode," ''Island" or "of." So you enough sense to So we're~basically finished,,and June 2: Actress Sally Kelterman is Spoken live yean ago: start clicking i&way with your mouse. say "no" when the authorities tell the time has come for us to pass the 62. Actor Stacy Keach is 58. "I dreamed about bread and you to attend your commencement torch onto you. But before we do, v pointer, and 14 hours later, you find Musician Charlie Watts of.The cheese when I was fasting and yourselflookingataWebsiteenti-. ceremony wearing what appears to we must ask you a very important Rolling Stones Is 5 a Actor Jerry had fantasies of pouring wine on tied "Poison Frogs of the Congo be a pizza box? What if the aulhori-' question: Where the heck did we Mathers ("Leave It to Beaver") is Delta." You have no idea how you; ' ties told you to attend your commy head while.) rolled naked in the put the torch? We can't find ANYjgot there, except that along the Way 5 1. Actress Joanna Gleason is 49. mencement with a live duck: THING any more. By conservative '. dirt." Keanu Reeves, on you purchased two weeks in strapped on your head? Would you Comedian Dana Carvey is 44. estimate, my generation has now. location In Nepalforthe filming of February at a time*share condodo THAT? I would! Think of the spent SO times as much time looking Rapper B-Real of Cypress Hill is. "The-UttleBuddha." minium in Saskatchewan and saw , advantages) When the commencefor its car keys as it ever spent '.29. Actress Nikki Cox ("Unhappily 583 pictures' of Pamela Anderson The Associated Press ment speaker started droning away, protesting war and racism. I, per. Ever After'7 is 2 1. Singer Irish

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Grinstead of 702 is 19. tJune 3: Actor Tony Curtis is 74. Singer Curtis Mayfield is 57. Singer Suzi Quatro is 49. Musician Billy Powellof LynyrdSkynyrd is 47. Singer Dan Hill, is , June 4: Actor Bruce Dern is 63. Actor Parker. Stevenson is 47. Singer El DeBarge |s 38. Actor Scott Wolf ("Party of Five") is 3 1. ACjtor Noah Wyle is 28. June 5: Actor Spalding Gray is 58. Singer Laurie Anderson, is 52. Musician Nicko McBrain of lrop Maiden is 45.
you could gently prod your duck with a Bic pen,; and when it started quacking, you could get up and announce; "I have to leave! There's something wrong with my duck!". That's the kind of initiative you need to show, young people. Because we are approaching the Dawn of the New Millennium, and the question is: How are you, the Class of 1999, going to respond when the Clock-Radio of Challenge emits the IrritatingBuzz of.Opportunity? Are you going to roll over and hit : the Snooze Button of Complacency? Or are you going to wake up and, after performing the Bodily ;
sonally, right now, own at least 247 pairs of reading glasses, and the only way lean find any of them is when I step on a pair in my bare *

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So it is up to you, the Class of 1999, to do whatever it was 1 Was saying. And now is the time! Tliink of the opportunities you have! You have the Internet! My generationdid not have the Internet When my generation needed a piece of information, ^ c h a? the population of Rhode Island, we had to haul but the encyclopedia, which was a bunch of dusty old heavy books that smelled like unlaundered socks. ; First we had to figure out what book "Rhode Island" was in, which was difficult because the books were labeled with Secret Encyclopedia Code phrases such as "Quisling Rotogravure." Then we had to manually look up "Rhode Island,-" using the alphabet, which, like long division and the song "Polly Wolly Doodle," is probably not taught in schools any "more. THEN we had to hunt around for the population statistics, which were comically inac- curate because our encyclopedias

naked. This was not possible in my day, Class of 1999! We didn't even HAVE Pamela Anderson!. Yes,- it's a bright new world you're entering, Class of 1999 a world that will offer many exciting career opportunities, such as tattoo '. ' : removal, which, trust me, is going to. be the next Internet, once you all. start having children and get tired of explainingtothem how come mommy and daddy have bad words written on their butts. Ha ha! I wish I could be theretosee it! " ' Unfortunately, by then I'll be spending pretty much full time looking for my dentures. In closing, let me leave you with the words of the great educator Dr. Quisling R Rotogravure, who said: "Fare thee well; fare thee well; sing polly wolly doodle all the day." Remember those words, Class of 1999. And put sunscreen on your

duck. -. : ' ' '.

Dave Barry It a humor* cokmnbt for the Miami Herald. Write to him e/o The Miami Herald, One Herald Plaza, MlamiFL3313Z

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